I’m losing hope. My great favorite, the only one I can count on morning, afternoon and night. And now the hope is almost gone.
Ivanka and Jared, hello bye. I don’t need any more legal troubles now. Don’t believe me when I say I want you to be. I mean, I need you to go. Oh, Ivanka can stay and do whatever it takes. Fill in for the silent slaw. Jared, you’ve been fired. Shalom, Shalom.
Let us tell you about steel tariff. No one is happy, but I just knew at the time that it was the right thing to do. And I’m the president, so trust me.
And I can tell you clearly why we’re blocking the Hudson River Tunnel — in two words: Chuck Schumer. Why would I ever do anything that Schumer wants for his kingdom? Oh yes, my kingdom too, but I’m red now. Whatever I say, I am for the NRA.
Only losers take public transportation, I told Cub Scout Paul Ryan. Scrap it, bury it. That man melts in my hands. He’s my partner in crime, getting rid of Obamacare and everything else with Obama’s name on it. Dreamers, wake up already!
cartoon on president donald trump
Crazy about hope, I was blowing off steam, focused – always in the moment. This is what made me a television star – only one person knew what I would do next. And sometimes not even one.
(laughs) I love chaos. It’s really good.
Angela and Theresa, what can I say? I gave him the Trump charm and Theresa fell for it more than Angela. We held hands on the way to the Rose Garden. I have been told that the UK and Germany are our most important allies, so I will try more next time.
Muller hasn’t seen anything yet. What should I do if he crosses me, nothing can be said. Everyone in this town thinks he’ll find Russian shit on me – think again! Vlad and I laid very deep plans for him. Oh, he’s going to have a grudge against Hillary – not me! I just did my Russian friend a favor by running. Then people loved me and I won Wisconsin – the rest is history! They lost an election they should have won. They are still crying in their pillows at night. haha!
The biggest mistake I made — the only mistake I made — was choosing Sessions for the Attorney General. My most loyal Senate Man. What a mistake I did! Glad I got rid of that long freak circus komi. (I have to be the tallest man in the room.) Sessions is my curse. Withdrawing from the Russian investigation? retreat? What does Mr Magoo think he has come here for? The king goes mad just seeing him.
Don’t worry, people, we’re still going to build that beautiful wall if John Kelly has to lay the stone himself. He’s a marine, tough guy, he likes punishment, doesn’t he? That’s why he is my chief of staff. He loves the wall – he loves Rob Porter – maybe not me. But I love to order generic. There is only one who truly loves me – wait for it! — Stephen Miller Miller and I in the bunker, not my first choice.
There was a flurry of press on me and my tweets. I give them a lot to talk about, write. I start tweeting at dawn, no down time for the White House Press Corps. However, I keep track of all of them. They know I am watching what they say, every word. Sometimes I read what they write. Maggie is always a good read. But have you noticed that I haven’t had any press conferences recently?
Many people give me books about Washington, Lincoln, Jefferson, Hamilton. Don’t have time to read them, sorry guys. They all had their day before I came along and suggested presidents for life. They will all be turned to dust before I can finish my work. And why read books when you can watch Fox?
